she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
