My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
