Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
