I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
