i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
