have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
