I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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