i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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