Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
