well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
time to smoke my breakfast
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Mom said you looked used
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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