you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
