I think I am morally bankrupt
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
