We need to rekindle our bromance
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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