i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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