I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
