My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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