yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
