She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
