I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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