Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
