I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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