If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
