one word: firstdatebathroomanal
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
