sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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