Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize