I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
