i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize