I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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