are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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