i think my mom watched the whole time
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize