We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
