Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
