The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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