Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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