just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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