someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
