Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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