I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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