I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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