So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
