my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
