I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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