the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize