I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
