yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize