That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
