He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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