Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
