my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
