He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize