you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
it's like iHOP with fire
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
