I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
