he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
