I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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