can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize