Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
