i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
