After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
