last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
