Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize