The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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