I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
