I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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