Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
