Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
