u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
