i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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