we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
