This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Is it because I queefed?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
